When Did You Stop Holding My Hand?

Dear B,

Today while walking you out to the bus, a wave of nostalgia ran over me. It dawned on me that we weren’t holding hands. You were walking by yourself. Independently of me. Almost as if you didn’t need me. Yes, yes, you are 7 years old. You certainly don’t NEED me to hold your hand. You know the path, you know the route, you’re steady on your feet. But you held my hand long after these things were in tact as a toddler.

Ya know that organic happening where we are walking next to each other and your tiny hand naturally drifts up to grab mine? You silently search for safety, or reassurance, or closeness. I accept your hand in mind, while my mind is elsewhere and my other hand is busy mommin’ in my purse, or on my phone, or signing your daily school planner. We’re holding hands and neither of us even realized. It wasn’t planned. It just happened.

Well, now I’m realizing we aren’t holding hands. We aren’t holding hands and I can’t remember the last time we did hold hands. Because you’re a big boy. Because you’re growing up. Normally I’m excited to embrace that milestone, but today, I’m feeling a little sad.

Love,
Your Mom That Still Thinks I Should Hold Your Hand Sometimes

 

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3 Responses

  1. Michelle says:

    I love this so very much and have had that same nostalgic wave often lately.

  2. I remember the day I realized that my son stopped giving me a kiss before he left for school. Like you, I can’t remember the exact day he stopped, but I remember that sad feeling I had knowing that phase had passed and we would never go back there. My son is now a senior, away at college and I still wish he’d give his mom a kiss when he sees me, lol!

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